Friday, April 4, 2014

Cai's Birth

I was laying down using a low voice to practice my Hypnobabies during my pressure waves when I felt a pop. I went to the bathroom and a little pink liquid was on the toilet paper. I thought I was losing my mucous plug but it turned out to be my water breaking.

That was the beginning of the most beautiful and peaceful act I can imagine. I called our midwife, Desiree, and she said she was going to come and that it sounded like my water had broken. I called our amazing doulas Leah and Meggen and told them what was happening.

I got up put on my Hypnobabies and sat on my birthing ball, leaning on a ball that I had placed on our couch while rolling my hips doing my belly dancing. I connected through my pressure waves to the awesome force going through my body. I remembered the generations of women who had gone before me in an unbroken chain.

I wanted to wait as long as possible to use the birthing tub with this baby. While I focused inward and found my way to relaxing through the contractions our amazing doulas rubbed my upper back. That simple support was amazing! My brain started into that alternate wavelength. The one they talk about as being high in Spiritual midwifery. I had asked our doula to remind me to pee. I have this hazy high memory of being on the toilet and feeling things moving really fast. I told Leah it scared me and she comforted me. I have another memory of telling her I was scared it was moving so fast because I was shaking from the hormones and I didn't want to tear. She was wonderful she told me exactly what I needed to hear.

Finally, I wanted the relief of the birthing tub. I sat out in it... it barely had any water in it and was lukewarm. Our water heater wasn't up to the task. My midwife, Aimee, came to me and said she was worried about the storm. I looked up and saw the lightning and heard the thunder. I got out of the tub and worried about my ability to make it without the comfort of the water. Finally I remembered the lesson I learned during Nia's birth. I submitted... I stopped trying to find a way out and gave into the fact that I could do it. I had to do it. Its like the moment of being at the top of the roller coaster looking down and thinking well here we go. That was when the pain disappeared. I went upstairs and kept staring at our bed. It looked so comfortable. I started to feel like I needed to push. I asked if they thought I should be checked before I started to push. They told me the pros and cons.  Then I decided I wanted to make sure before I started pushing that my cervix was dilated so I wouldn't be working against things.

When I was checked I was only 4 cm. Desiree was wonderful, instead of saying well you're stuck she said let me just see what happens with this contraction. The next contraction I stretched to 8 cm. She said I had the stretchiest cervix she had ever felt. So I lay there on our bed with my husband rubbing my head. I focused on the millions of women who had been through this, on the awesome power of my baby being born, the energy flowing through my uterus moving my baby down. I began to have what would be a 20 minute contraction. Every time it contracted the baby moved down but instead of him sliding back in the contraction held him there. I felt my cervix snap around his head like a rubber band. I felt myself be so stretched it felt like I would tear. I panted and panted. He just kept coming but I didn't tear. I pushed once or twice and felt each time like I was about to tear.

Why did I push? I clearly looking back on it didn't need to. Honestly, with Nia I LOVED pushing it was amazing and with this birth I had really looked forward to it. Finally, on the last push I couldn't stop him and felt like I had ripped in two. I started screaming and and picturing the massive reconstruction and peeing from a bag. Everybody looked confused. She looked me in the eye and said that was your baby's head coming out. I thought to myself why is she so calm. I realized it must not be that bad. I felt his beautiful body turning inside me and could feel his one shoulder coming forward. I was waiting for the slithering orgasm that had happened with Nia.

Cai's shoulder rotated and I pushed and there was my baby born into Mac's strong hands. Then came the orgasm. The rush of wonderful love and connection. I grabbed for my baby. He had his cord wrapped around his neck. They unwrapped it and handed him to me. I saw his face and was amazed at how much I loved him. We hadn't had an ultrasound so when he was born it was a surprise. He looked like such a boy in his face and I finally checked. There he was my little boy :-)

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